The ‘New Year’ always tends to bring about a renewed sense of optimism and hope.  Almost like the 2008 Presidential Campaign all over again… that kind of hope.  For some reason, I don’t really feel like buying into all this again.  I mean 2009 wasn’t too terrible for me, but it definitely had its downfalls and I have a really hard time believing that 2010 could be better.

But since I tend to be the eternal optimist I guess I’ll give the idea of 2010 a shot.  I mean, hey, its not like it could be any worse than 2009, right?  Right…

I do have some goals for twenty-ten.  I’m not going to call them resolutions, because that means that I’ll forget about them, but goals seem to be a bit more doable.

1) I’m going to bake.  It is becoming quite obvious to me that anything sweet and pastry-ish and related to chocolate is becoming an undying passion for me.  After I came back from Sydney all I’ve been able to think about is Max Brenner’s Chocolate Bar, and about Lindt’s Chocolate Bar, and of Haigh’s chocolates… I want to mix it and melt it and turn it in to things so that others can experience how good it makes you feel.  Its sweet.  Its sensual.  Its seductive.  And its my absolute favorite thing, and in 2010 I hope to share that with everyone.

2) I’m going to forget.  I’ve already forgiven those that have trespassed against me this year, but now its time for me to forget.  And focus on the positive.  I was taught to always prepare myself for the worst, so that if it happens, I wouldn’t be caught so far off guard.  There has only been one instance in my life where this mantra has ever helped me, and since then, its done nothing but really destroy my person.  I keep focusing on the past though I know the future looks much prettier.  I can’t get the words and the images out of my head, and so to protect my heart I always prepare myself for the worst, and push away those that really care about me.  I know that this doesn’t make sense to you out there… It kinda sounds like I just talked myself in circles.  Still – my goal is to forget.  For good.

3) I’m going to take pictures.  As in I’m going to do more modeling, and I don’t really care what it takes for me to get there.  I love being on the other side of that lense and I’m having a hard time quelling those urges.  If it takes nothing but Proactiv and salads for the next 6 months to get me perfect then I’ll do it.  Because I want it sooooo bad.  I know its not a realistic career choice, but its a creative outlet that I need to keep my sanity and narcissism in check.  I want the makeup artists and the glossy prints.  I want the ridiculous clothes and the equally ridiculous concepts and poses.

And that’s about where my list stops.  3 goals isn’t a huge list, however its a start.  I’m curious to see exactly where I’ll be against these goals in 6 months.  Especially with the losing weight thing… haha… I just got back from a run, and all I want to do is eat a snack of cream cheese and crackers.  WHAT THE HELL.  Gosh this is probably going to be tougher than I thought… oh wellllll here’s to 2010 and all the dreams and heartbreaks that it’ll bring.